Explaining My Three-Day Erection

Get ready for my first post about one of my favorite sports teams. I’m like Bill Simmons, only more of a homer. Just a heads up, if you don’t like or don’t care about Cubs baseball, Jazz basketball, Bucs football, all Vanderbilt teams, UNC, Gonzaga, and Stanford basketball, FSU and Arkansas football, then you probably won’t like my sports blogs. And you’re probably a faggot. And yes, I know I root for a weird group of teams, but there is an explanation for all the teams. Including the always popular reason: I jumped on the bandwagon.

ANYWAY, back to the matter at hand: my three-day erection. Ever since I heard about the Cubs trading for Rich Harden, I have been walking around with my 3-inch boner held high. Of course, it has been a little awkward around the office, but I am not going to hide my first erection since Game 6 of the NLCS. In the deal, the Cubs got one of the best pitchers in the league for 4 players that will never be All-Stars. The big question, of course, is whether Harden can stay healthy. Sure, I have nightmares at night where Harden takes off a mask and reveals himself to be Mark Prior and then rapes my grandmother. But who doesn’t? This is a deal that the Cubs had to make if they want to win it all. Zambrano-Dempster-Lilly will get you to the playoffs, but that’s not a top 3 that can dominate in October. With Harden on board, though, my penis and I are confident the Cubs have enough to finally make it back to the World Series.

 

(A whole post about erections and Rich Harden, and I didn’t make one Hardening my penis joke. I’m so proud of myself.)