Sans Morality

drinkin’ beers, bangin’ sluts

Drunk German Is A Would-Be Hero

Posted by Voltairrible on July 11, 2008

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times:  alcohol brings out the best in people (except for small children, who have a habit of dying after shot #5).

Anyway, a drunk German man slipped into the ranks of a firefighting team in Berlin last night to combat a raging fire:

Firefighters called to a blaze at an apartment building in a southern German town were astonished to discover a fully equipped extremely drunk imposter in their ranks, police said on Thursday.

On hearing the alarm, the 38-year-old man had rushed to the fire station, was helped into protective clothing and helmet by unsuspecting firefighters and boarded the fire engine, a spokesman for Suedhessen police said.

Let me be the first to say it: What a total hardass. If anything I’ve ever seen on television or read on the internet is true, when a German has finally consumed enough beer to be considered “drunk”, it is a goddamn miracle of science if they can even walk. But this guy somehow managed to hear the alarm and get dressed all while fooling the other firefighters into thinking (1) he was a firefighter in their department (2) he wasn’t fucking hammered.

The article goes on to say that the firefighters pussed out and called the cops when they got to the scene, and I think that’s pretty much bullshit. I mean, who the fuck knows if he could be the best goddamn drunk firefighter in the world? He did, after all, fool them into thinking he was one in the first place. Alcohol does strange and wonderful things, like make girls easier to sleep with while making them more attractive at the same time, so who is to know whether or not it granted this heroic gentleman the years of knowledge needed to effectively fight ability to put water on a fire?

When questioned by police, the man commented that “they were doing it all wrong” and “would never be able to catch the Jews on fire.”  He recommended a log cabin fire structure, with Catholics as tinder (Ed. Note – The guilty catch fire more easily?).  The man was released without being charged after spending a night in the drunk tank.

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