WUDGLES YOU FUCKER
Posted by DrFunke on July 18, 2008
I, Dr. Funke, am officially no longer friends with my fellow blogger Wudgles. You may be asking yourself, “Why, Dr. Funke?” Well, poorly conceived literary device, I’ll tell you. Because earlier on this date, July 18, 2008, Wudgles put an evil, Padre fan jinx on my beloved Mets . They lost their bid for their 11th straight win because Wudgles is a faggot of mythically astronomical proportions. And also because John Maine decided to walk in 3 runs in a row, and because the Mets apparently no longer enjoy driving in runners who lead off innings with triples, but clearly that’s all the fault of Wudgles. The Mets looked pretty awful tonight. They kind of looked like, um… the Mets of 3 weeks ago I guess. And all because Wudgles decided that he wanted to ruin the run for them? Why would Wudgles do such a thing? Well, beloved readers, today is your lucky day, because I got a “Sans Morality” exclusive interview with Wudgles, the man himself, so we could all get a little more insight in to why he does the horrible, miserably things he does.
Dr. Funke: Wudgles, nice of you to join me today. How have you been?
Wudgles: Gotta be honest with you on this one Doc, I’ve been pretty exhausted lately. *Looks like he just got out of bad and is horribly hung over. It is 10 PM.*
DF: Oh, really Wudgles? Would you care to share with our readers why that is?
W: Well Doc, my dungeon filled with 8-10 year old sex slaves won’t re-populate itself, will it? So, in order to pick up more young children, mostly boys, I need to meet with Yuri. Yuri, of course, is my favorite boy-sex-slave trafficker. Sadly, he only arranges meetings at my local abandoned warehouse around 4 or 5 AM, so I didn’t get much sleep last night. *Takes 3 pills of E, starts rubbing nipples.*
DF: Wait, you buy young boys as sex slaves? You’re joking right, you can’t possibly be serious?
W: I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley. *Laughs to self, puts thumb in own rectum.*
DF: Wudgles, that is horrible and perverted and wrong, why would you do that to young boys?
W: Well give me some credit here Funke, these aren’t just any young boys. These are young Eastern European boys, who have been sold as sex slaves by their family because the rest of the family would’ve starved without the money made from his sale. While many of them are aware of this, it doesn’t alleviate the depression that causes their soul to die, as they suffer cold, depressed, and alone. This, of course, helps me maintain my erection. An erection I can only achieve in the first place by killing a human being. Or by banging a wide variety of farm animals. But I digress. I can see in these young boys’ eyes that their souls are dead and empty, and look deader and emptier every time I successfully force myself upon them. This look, a combination of depression, terror, and utter hopelessness, only makes me more aroused, thus allowing me to have sex with more young boys. *Does line of cocaine off ass of nearby transvestite that he brought for company.*
DF: You are without a doubt the single worst human being to ever exist on the face of this earth. Just one last question, what does any of this have to do with jinxing the Mets?
W: Well Funke, one of the boys was a Mets fan. It’s really the only thing he’s got left that gives him any joy, seeing as I bought him from his family so I could repeatedly have non-consensual sex with him. *Offers me a high-five.*
DF: This is the worst interview ever.
Well. There you have it. That is Wudgles, unabridged and uncensored. That, sick, sick bastard. I hope you, the Sans Morality readers, now have an idea of what it’s like to deal with Wudgles on a regular basis. May God have mercy on his soul. Also, I really hope the Mets don’t lose like 7 games in a row.