Miley Cyrus Soft-Core Prostitution Will End Well
Posted by Voltairrible on July 22, 2008
Well, Miley Cyrus (demented offspring of Billy Ray’s loins) has now one-upped herself on the pictures that were leaked from her hacked iPhone last week.
She has turned to soft-core prostitution. But, don’t worry, faithful reader and “Hannah Montana Media Bukkake” aficionado; it’s for the children, via some charity that the Cyrus family just started.
Powered by Auction Cause, Miley’s first-ever personal eBay auction will kick off at 7 p.m. PT on Tuesday night (and conclude on July 29), and 100 percent of the proceeds will go to her foundation, which supports numerous charities that assist needy children across the country.
We’re told the winners of the bidding war will get their hands on the several items from her personal wardrobe, such as the (autographed) clothes she wore to the “High School Musical 2” movie premiere and last year’s Teen Vogue Young Hollywood party, plus the chance to be her red-carpet date at her upcoming “Bolt” movie premiere — complete with Disneyland passes, accommodations and car service, of course.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that this is going to get fucked somewhere along the line. She’s 15 years old, not attractive in the least, a talentless hack with a cult-like following, and is now selling herself to aforementioned cult-like fanbase. What executive thought this one through, exactly?
My guess is that one of two things is going to happen
- Some super weirdo pedophile bids more than what Microsoft is worth so that he can have his way with her, the merch she’s giving him, and then eat her for supper while wearing her skin as a dress.
- Ummmm… some little trust-fund brat has her dad buy this for her, and then auctions off the merchandise to be abused in unspeakable ways by some guy who wanted to carry out prediction #1.
Either way, something Miley owns is going to get some protein sprayed on it. But, then again, she’s just being Miley…