Mac10 Has Horrible Taste
Posted by Voltairrible on July 23, 2008
I’m extremely disappointed in Mac10 and his reviews of the Top 10 Tom Cruise Movies. And by that, I mean that I think he’s an extremely unfratty douchebag.
How can you neglect mentioning the single greatest movie of all time, Top Gun? Honestly, Mac10, why hast thou forsaken Maverick, Goose, and the Spirit of Tom Skerritt (Viper be his name)?
Top Gun is fucking awesome, and if you don’t like it, I don’t think we can be friends anymore. Sure, you may say that I’m foolish for basing my entire career choice on the 109 minutes of action, witty dialogue, shirtless male volleyball, and more action. But, that’s just your opinion. And, in contrast, my opinion about this wonderful piece of American cinema is entirely correct. If you disagree, then go be an hero.
Here are the reasons that Top Gun deserves to be #1 on that previous list, as well as spots 2 through 10:
- Naval Aviation – best in the world (eat a dick, you Air Force pussies. No one made a sweet movie about Red Flag, so blow it out your ass)
- Sweet callsigns, such as Maverick, (Mother) Goose, Iceman, Jester, Viper, Hollywood. Don’t act like you don’t want one.
- Sweet callsigns and blatant racism – the black dude was known as “Sundown”
- Incredibly pro-American propaganda – “keeping up international relations” by giving a bird to a MiG in a negative 4G inverted dive AND blowing up said MiGs at the end. Absolutely erection-worthy
- Witty banter, as follows:
Viper: Good morning, gentlemen, the temperature is 110 degrees.
Wolfman: Holy shit, it’s Viper!
Goose: Viper’s up here, great… oh shit…
Maverick: Great, he’s probably saying, “Holy shit, it’s Maverick and Goose.”
Goose: Yeah, I’m sure he’s saying that.
- Anthony Edwards as LT (jg) Nick “Goose” Bradshaw – if you don’t like Goose, I will stab you
- Pre-Scientology Tom Cruise – Tommy was pretty much at his peak when he made this movie
- F-14 Tomcat – last pure air superiority fighter in the US Navy
- The line “That’s a negative, Ghost Rider. The pattern is full”, which my father has used as his answer “no” to every question I ever asked throughout my life
- Val Kilmer doing that bite-click thing = best movie line ever written in any script ever
- The volleyball scene with the flexing
- The “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” scene in the bar
- Air Boss Johnson saying, repeatedly, “I WANT SOME BUTTS!”
- The Russians lose in the end, as they should
- The Top Gun Theme – it’s playing in your head right now
- “Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins – there is no way that anyone doesn’t like this song, unless they’re a Communist
- Kelly McGillis Meg Ryan looking hot
- Male chauvinism
Top Gun is basically the greatest movie ever. It should have won every Oscar the year it was made, as well as every Oscar since then. That is a fact.
Mac10, you deserve an eternity in Hell for neglecting Top Gun.
*Oh, Days of Thunder was noticeably absent from your list, but I don’t hold that one against you.