Sans Morality

drinkin’ beers, bangin’ sluts

Top 10 Tom Cruise Movies

Posted by Mac10 on July 23, 2008

As I was re-watching Mission: Impossible for the 20th time last night, I realized that Tom Cruise has been in a lot of good movies. Just because he’s crazy and a Scientologist doesn’t mean that Cruise can’t make some great films.

10. Risky Business-This movie inspired me to lose my virginity on a train. Since I grew up in a town without one, I did the next best thing. The bus driver sure didn’t appreciate it, though.

9. Cocktail-Most people criticize this movie because it has over-the-top performances, unbelievable dialogue, and a ridiculous premise. But that’s why I love it. 

8. Last Samurai-This epic has largely been forgotten, but Cruise is great as an alcoholic, self-loathing white man who only finds happiness as a samurai in Japan. When the atomic bomb goes off, though, Cruise switches back to the right side. Also, my memory of this movie may be fallible.

7. Minority Report-Just a really cool movie. Plus, the pre-crime machine was the inspiration for the Nintendo Wii.

6. Vanilla Sky-This is one of those movies where you have no idea what’s going on. Even if the ending isn’t that great, I’ll take a movie that makes you question reality as well as Cameron Diaz’s hotness over almost all other action movies.

5. Jerry Maguire-The awesomeness of Cuba cancels out the terribleness of Renee, and Jay Mohr as Bob Sugar (aka Drew Rosenhaus) is one of the most underrated characters ever.

4. Rain Man-I usually despise Dustin Hoffman. There’s just something about his voice that makes me want to punch him. He is great in this movie, though, because he changes his voice to sound like me when I talk to a girl.

3. Mission: Impossible-It takes a couple viewings to actually understand the plot. Once you do, though, the movie is pretty incredible. The only thing I thought was missing was a sweet motorcycle fight, but luckily my complaint was heard by John Woo. 

2. Magnolia-This movie is really, really, really depressing. And it’s amazing. It is Tom Cruise’s best acting job, and it taught me how to respect the cock.

1. A Few Good Men-Was Col. Jesup anti-Semitic or did he just hate Lt. Wynberg? Anyway, this movie is great all the way through, not just the memorable final courtroom scene.

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5 Responses to “Top 10 Tom Cruise Movies”

  1. Kevin said

    Cocktail number 9??? Blasphemy!!! Should definitely be in top 5.
    How is MI3 not in there, PSH is awesome in that one.

  2. Kevin said

    also this picture needs to be in there…

    “I see it in pink neon, blink-blink, blinkety-blink.”

  3. Mac10 said

    I like MI3, but it is not better than any of these. I only put Cocktail at 9 to avoid ridicule. Clearly, it is number 1

  4. […] Top 10 Tom Cruise Movies […]

  5. Neeltrain said

    Mackey, first of all, today was a slow day at work so thats my excuse for reading your garbage top 10 tom cruise movie list. Second, your list is just that, garbage. In your opening statement you pointed out that just because hes crazy and a scientologist it does not mean that he can’t make a great film. Therein lies your problem, because it does mean he cant make a great film, because hes a huge loser. Lets face it, the only redeeming quality to this alien or whatever he is, is the fact that hes banging katie holmes. BUT lets not forget that Dawson used to bang the shit out of Katie down by his creek multiple times per week on the aptly named WB series “Dawson’s Creek”. I’m 90% sure she also banged Dawsons friends in a few episodes. What im saying is shes a huge slut, so its not even like shes that good of a pickup since shes been getting nailed for years. Plus im pretty sure ive seen her topless in a movie before, which means i’ve probably gotten just as far with her as he has. Anyway, if he did have a great movie, it would probably be Francis Ford Coppola’s greatest masterpiece. No, I don’t mean The Godfather. I am talking of course about the film adaptation of the wonderful novel “The Outsiders”, since it co-starred Patrick Swayze and Emilio Estevez among others.

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