Sans Morality

drinkin’ beers, bangin’ sluts

Michael Phelps Amused by Mere Mortals

Posted by Mac10 on August 12, 2008

Bob Costas. Random sports you only care about every four years. The music. Man, I love the Olympics. My cable was fixed yesterday so I finally got to watch some of the events. Here’s a quick recap:

Synchronized diving: If you want your kids to become Olympic athletes, train them in an obscure sport like synchronized diving. There are probably about 5 diving pairs in the country so the competition is not that tough. Also, I love any event that is decided by judges. It’s always fun to point out the fix is in for the home country.

Beach Volleyball: Misty May and Kerri Walsh made quick work of some commie Cuban chicks last night. After that, I changed my shorts.

Misty May is borderline attractive

Misty May is borderline attractive

Swimming: By far, my favorite event. It has all the qualities necessary for good TV: it has exciting finishes, Americans are dominant, and world records are often broken. Also, Michael Phelps’s performance at this Olympics is nothing short of Nicholas Cage-esque.
Men’s Gymnastics: I’m not gay, but this was awesome last night. American Johnathan Horton, the perfect example of the Ugly American and Napoleonic complex, is my new favorite gymnast with his unintentionally hilarious speeches and over the top enthusiasm. Any time a medal is decided by the former 2nd alternate, whom the announcers call “explosively inconsistent,” I’m in. Also, the judges were clearly paid off by the Chinese.

Badminton: I watched the “American” team (comprised of two Asians) defeat the South African team. The melodramatic announcer made this event including the best moment of the Olympics so far when he referred to Howard Bach as the “self-proclaimed bad boy of badminton.”

Indoor Volleyball: Not as sexy as beach volleyball, mainly because it was men this time, but still pretty awesome. The Americans had a player who was about 6’8″ 250 and had been let out of prison to compete in this Olympics. Needless to say, he was my favorite player.

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One Response to “Michael Phelps Amused by Mere Mortals”

  1. Coughlin's Law said

    Also just wanted to point out that the most Asian looking man ever is on the American badminton team and his name is Bob. You just can’t even make that up.

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