Communism Gets Rare Win Over Capitalism
Posted by Mac10 on August 14, 2008
I’m sorry, I thought this was America. As of right now, the United States of America (home of the brave, land of the free, etc.) is losing the medal count to the no-good, commie pinko Chinamen (edit from Walter: Dude, Chinamen is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please). Not only are we losing the overall medal count, but the red bastard Chinese have doubled our gold totals. Looks like it’s high time to start injecting more ‘roids into our track-and-field athletes for a comeback. Quick Olympic recaps:
Women’s Gymnastics: Alicia Sacramone completely choked on the balance beam and floor exercises to give China the win. You really would expect more out of Johnny Sac’s kid. If it’s any consolation, Alicia, I would still bang you (edit from Alicia: it’s not).
Men’s Basketball: We beat Angola a lot to a little. Wake me up when we get out of group play. If this team loses, though, it’s time to adopt my idea of fielding a team with Americans who all play ball in Europe. At least they understand the international style and rules. Mainly, though, it would be awesome to see former college stars like Blake Stepp and Khalid El-Amin in the Olympics.
Synchronized Diving: Still rigged for the Chinese.
Women’s Swimming: Where have you gone, Amanda Beard? A nation turns its horny eyes to you.
Men’s Beach Volleyball: The nicknames for the American players are The Professor and The Thin Beast. I’m gonna take the high road and avoid the obvious joke about how those are the names of my balls. Instead, I would like to comment on how President Bush gave these guys new nicknames: Toddly (for Todd Rogers) and The Big Guy. Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.