Sans Morality

drinkin’ beers, bangin’ sluts

Drinking Games: California Kings

Posted by Voltairrible on August 14, 2008

I can haz beer nao?

I can haz beer nao?

As both Mac10 and Dr. Funke, D.D.S., will attest, I really love booze.  And, in case you didn’t notice, booze happens to be part of this blog’s entire purpose: “Drinkin’ beers, bangin’ sluts.”

With this in mind, I’ve decided to writing more about booze, since we have been somewhat less than diligent on that particular topic.

So, welcome to the first installment of many focusing on one of the particularly wonderful aspects of imbibing alcoholic beverages — drinking games.

Drinking games are something that can really add enjoyment and efficiency to the awesome act of getting drunk off your ass.  Now, I’m not saying you can’t get wasted without playing some sort of game, I’m just saying they make it easier by adding one or more of the following:  competition, skill, bragging rights, naked females, and structure.  They basically have the potential to add an obnoxious multiplier to your fun.  In that spirit, here is the first of many drinking games we here at Sans Morality like to play:

California Kings

Now, I know a lot of people are wondering why I didn’t start out with Beirut (“Beer Pong” for those of you who like using incorrect names for things): this is the first drinking game I ever played, so BACK OFF!

Equipment – 1 deck of standard playing cards without Jokers; drink of your choice (I find beer works best)


Shuffle the cards thoroughly and deal a card to each player.  The deck is placed in the middle of the table, where players will draw from it in turn (usually works best with boy-girl seating… middle school style).  Players decide who draws first–high card is always a good way–and that player draws a card off the top.  Only the number of the card determines what action will be taken, as follows (suit doesn’t matter):

  • A – “Waterfall” – Player who drew starts chugging their drink, along with everyone else.  The person to the left of the player cannot stop drinking until he stops, and so on down the line (meaning the player to the right of whoever drew can’t stop until everyone else has).
  • 2 – The player who drew the card picks someone to drink (2 for you)
  • 3 – The player who drew the card drinks (3 for me)
  • 4 – All sluts (known colloquially as ‘females’) drink (4 for whores)
  • 5 – Everyone playing drinks (social)
  • 6 – All dudes present have a drink (6 for dicks)
  • 7 – Last player to point at the ceiling drinks (7 for Heaven)
  • 8 – The player who drew the card picks a person of the opposite sex, both have a drink (8 make a date)
  • 9 – The player who drew the card says one word, and players must go around the table saying words that rhyme with the original.  First player to mess up drinks
  • 10 – “Never Have I Ever” – players put up three fingers, and then take turns saying “Never have I ever _______”.  Any player who has done that particular thing must put a finger down and take a drink.  First player with zero fingers must finish their drink before the next card can be drawn
  • J – “Categories” – Player who drew picks a certain category (cars, football teams, etc), and then players must take turns naming something in that category.  First player to mess up takes a drink
  • Q – “Questions” – Player who drew asks the person to their left a question, who then asks the person next to them a question, and so on down the line.  The point is to be quick with the questions (ie. an entire conversation of only questions).  First player to freeze up takes a drink.
  • K – The player who drew gets to make a rule, which is enforced throughout the rest of the game.  It can be any rule, and violation of that rule carries a penalty of one drink for each violation.  Popular rules include no saying the words “drink/drank/drunk”, etc.  This is where this particular version gets its name.

This game also goes by a few other names, with variations on both how people draw and what each card means.  For Circle of Death, the cards may have different activities and the deck is fanned out in a cirlce (as opposed to a stack) so people may randomly choose their fate.  For Kings, a communal cup is used so that when a player draws a king, they may pour however much of their beverage (even if it is different than everyone else’s) into the cup.  The person who draws the fourth King must drink the entire cup.

California Kings is my preferred version, and my favorite rule happens to be “All girls must play shirtless/topless.”  It’s a great rule, and with a decent guy-slut ratio, most girls are happy to play along.  As a matter of fact, this was the first rule I ever made while playing CK, and the guys who taught it to me looked at me as though I was some sort of genius (which I am).  They’d never even thought about it for some reason.  But, obviously, the first thing that jumped into my mind when told I got to make rules everyone had to follow was to see some skin.

Now, go out, grab some cheap beer and a deck of cards, and proceed to get shitfaced courtesy of Sans Morality and the internet.


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