Sans Morality

drinkin’ beers, bangin’ sluts


Posted by DrFunke on August 16, 2008

Today marks one of the greatest days in the history of my life. Why so great? Because my horrible, boring internship, that spent every day sucking the will to live directly from my soul, is finally over. I was basically counting down the time until my shift ended out loud, much to the dismay of my boss who had already written me a recommendation letter. When I finally finished, I celebrated in a manner that looked extremely similar to this:

Unfortunately, I was short on boozing options for this night, so instead I spent my time triumphantly masturbating in my neighbors’ front yards until the police were called to intervene. Anyway, two important questions:

1. If your boss spends 2 minutes talking about how great you were as an intern and how much they’d love to have you back, but then describes your work as “swell” in his last sentence of your evaluation, do you dismiss all of his previous compliments as heavy sarcasm? Or, as Mac 10 theorized, was my boss trying to have sex with me?

2. Is there anything more American than spending your first day as a free man by waking up early at the crack of noon, driving an hour, and spending the rest of your day/night getting unreasonably shit faced at a part with former fratsmen and other assorted college grads? I’ll be finding out.

You may be asking yourself, “What’s the point of this post, Doctor?”

Well said.


2 Responses to “THE WAITING IS OVER!!!”

  1. Mac10 said

    how can you masturbate without it being triumphant?

  2. DrFunke said

    if you’re weeping, it doesn’t feel as triumphant as doing it while screaming “THE WAITING IS OVER!” while doing it in public.

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