The Greatest Thing You Will Ever See
Posted by Mac10 on June 4, 2009
If you’re like me, then you often think to yourself I wish someone would combine my two favorite things: porn and the unintentional comedy levels only achieved through reality TV. Well, wish no more my friends. I give you 7 Lives Xposed (NSFW obviously). This show combines The Real World with Paradise Hotel 2 and the greatest acting you will ever see. Here’s a quick breakdown of the 7 people on the show:
Devinn: Why are there 2 n’s in her name? Perhaps, she is a poor man’s Rosebudd. Anyway, she created this show. She is a porn “star” who got 6 other people she knows to live in a loft with her to fuck all the time. She is kinda hot but a little fat, and she is kinda a controlling bitch.
Xiamora (X): Hot black chick who suddenly becomes bisexual after one kiss from a girl. Obviously, she is my favorite female character. She fucks everybody on the show and somehow thinks this show will help her acting career. High comedy ensues when these people talk about their dreams.
Patty: She may be the dumbest female alive. Young, pretty blond chick who came to live in the loft with her boyfriend, Ten (yes, that is his name). Ten is a former boyfriend of Devinn. Patty somehow gets surprised when Ten fucks every chick in the show including Devinn. Wildly unlikeable.
Jillian: Hot southern, blond chick who starts slow then becomes sluttier and sluttier. Probably the hottest girl on the show and probably the worst actress. Her fake indignation when some drunk guy at a party tries to rape her (this is so poorly acted it’s unbelievable) was probably the highlight of the show so far.
Ten: This guy’s name is Ten, he used to date a porn star, and he is a skateboarder. He brought his girlfriend with him to live in a loft where he knew the goal was to have sex with everyone. Do I even need to mention that he is a complete douchebag? Also, you can’t really tell because it’s pretty much softcore porn, but I think he has a really small dick.
Jeremy: This is the loser white guy who is on the show to get laid. He is a computer programmer who designed Devinn’s old website, and he is on the show to become a sex god. Needless to say, he is a complete pussy who only gets laid by hookers and people who want to be on an online reality porn show (people with high goals in other words). He also challenges Jillian for worst actor on the show.
Antwan: Far and away the greatest reality TV star ever. This black stereotype is too good to even write about. Please just watch the show and embrace the gloriousness that is Antwan.