Sans Morality

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Archive for the ‘Links’ Category

“You, Sir, are a Weak, Timid, and Untrustworthy Homosexual”

Posted by DrFunke on July 14, 2009

Reader, rap is primarily pretty horrible. Except for a few of the best, rappers in general can barely form sentences and only rap about 2 or 3 different things. (Namely, in the words of Jay-Z, a.k.a. Hova, “Money, cash. Money, cash, hoes.”) One thing I always found hilarious was to translate rap lyrics into the real English language because it basically proves rap is never about anything different, and basically guys find ways to say the exact same thing over and over. I can listen to it if I’m wasted, but for the most part I just like to laugh at it. Someone who also has internet access seems to agree with me, and I cannot stop watching this video. I figured I’d share my joy and musical snobbery.

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Links of the week

Posted by DrFunke on June 1, 2009

Let’s do this dance.

1. The Fat Jew. Normally, I feel the same way about Twitter as I do about pretty much everything else ever: I hate it irrationally for reasons I can’t quite articulate because of brain trauma induced by heavy drinking. A lot of my job this summer involves me spending time on Twitter, and that means a lot of the time I want to perform self-lobotomies in my office. This guy, however, is probably the only good thing to ever happen on Twitter. Search until you find the post, “Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘Sir’ without adding, ‘you’re making a scene.'” God I hope Twitter is only a fad, or else it will eventually become the hippies/Jews to my Eric Cartman.

2. Black People Love Us. You’re welcome.

3. The 7 Most Mind-Blowing Foreign TV Moments. Mild racism, out of context TV clips, and joyous music videos? Sign me up. I nearly peed my pants at number 5.

4. If you have some time to read… This is a pretty long story, but it’s cool. This dude from Raleigh ran into a bunch of Pittsburgh Penguin players at a bar one night and ended having an epic story to tell, and the moral is that NHL players are awesome to drink with. They became the Neil Patrick Harris to his Harold and Kumar. I write the worst analogies ever.

5. The Onion Rules. Another awesome Onion News video. I dare you to not waste your time searching through the older videos. I recommend the dorm party arson video and the talkshow host who’s suddenly extremely interested in manslaughter law loopholes. Also, I just realized this post makes it seem like I find murdering hobos/random drifters to be one of the most entertaining things ever. My mom must have been drinking when she was pregnant. 😦

Enjoy. Mac-10 and I will be working on more stuff about the Wire, and I’ll be putting up another few posts this week.

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Links of the Week

Posted by DrFunke on May 22, 2009

Let’s get down to it, I don’t have all day. My cock ring business isn’t going to run itself.

“Work Song” by Dan Reeder. You might’ve quickly guessed I don’t actually run a lucrative cock ring business. First of all, this blog makes me the big bucks. Second of all, that’s not true either, and I have another unpaid job this summer. (*Starts weeping*) Anyway, if your brain isn’t bleeding from the last few sentences already, you should know I plan on quitting my job while playing this song in the office and giving everyone the finger.

A Day in the Life of Paul Walker. Reader, at first I was upset because I thought this was meant to disparage the great Paul “P-Dub” Walker. This should never happen, and if you attempt to do so I will fucking find you and waterboard the shit out of you. But then I quickly realized that this was merely a tribute to the greatness of Paul Walker. My only problem: not enough references to living life a quarter mile at a time.

Entertonement. This site is kind of fun. It just compiles a bunch of sound clips from movies and TV shows, so you can find a bunch of excellent stuff on here. For example, I linked you to bites from the great Robert Downey Jr., and there are also clips like this and this. Time, prepare to be utilized poorly.

Hey, it’s a dick joke! Being a purveyor of dick jokes myself, I figured it’s only appropriate that I share this one with you.

The Heist. This is a little old, but this TV special made by hypnotist Derren Brown is also a million kinds of awesome. It’s also ridiculously unethical as far as scientific experiments go, which probably just makes it cooler. I’m, uh, not a real doctor.

MORE WOLF SHIRTS. There is no such thing as too many wolf t-shirts. After reading the customer reviews, I may need to consider adding this to my wardrobe to complement my other wolf shirt. (Dr.’s note: in that second link, nothing has ever made me happier than the “‘Born to Bone’ is more like it when you wear this fucker around” review. In other news, I am not mature.)

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Links of the Week

Posted by DrFunke on May 16, 2009

It’s that time again, where I share some links that have caused me to waste my sweet, precious time that could be spent drinking or searching for the newest kinds of weird Japanese cartoon porn (preferably tentacle themed). Let’s get to it, shall we?

The Future Shock. This is the recap of one of the most pointless and elaborate pranks ever pulled. Basically, two guys tracked some kid’s IM conversations and online history and then convinced him they were from the future and he had to follow their orders in order to save the world. Hilarity ensues.

Texts From Last Night. On this site, people post text messages they’ve received with no context whatsoever. Obviously, some of this stuff is comedic gold.

Drinking Out of Cups. I’m not even going to try to explain this one. If I had to, I’d guess drugs are involved.

Hilarious School Projects. There’s no way these are all real, but there’s also no way I care about that.

Marisa Miller: Not too Shabby. My love for Marisa Miller is well documented, and the gallery contained within this link most certainly has something to do with it.

Reasons to Quit the show “Lost”. I still watch, but I don’t know why because I just don’t enjoy watching it anymore. This guy shares some of the reasons why.

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Links With Dr. Funke

Posted by DrFunke on May 4, 2009

After Wudgles’ timely post over 2 weeks ago, we are finally back in action. We are now a year older and a year wiser, except neither of those things. If anything this is going to be the exact same as last summer’s blogging, except for more brain damage from another year of alcohol abuse and lack of oxygen from banging so many sluts (I may be doing it wrong). First thing’s first, I’d like to summarize our year for you brave readers in picture form:

From left to right: Dr. Funke, Wudlges, and Mac 10. Ah, the memories.

From left to right: Dr. Funke, Wudlges, and Mac 10. Ah, the memories.

It’s almost certainly an accurate depiction. ANYWAY, I’m here to start a new weekly feature that will almost certainly last for at least one week, and that is “Links with Dr. Funke.” I’ll pick a few things I’ve been wasting my life with recently, and then encourage you to do the same thing so maybe I don’t feel like such a piece of shit when I wake up at 3 in the afternoon every day because someone made a few videos of Sesame Street mashed up with hardcore rap videos and I stayed up all night to watch them. Carpe diem.

1. Bambi on YTMND. This fine piece of modern art is all at once hilarious and incredibly stupid. Therefore, it is right down my alley.

2. Auto-Tuning the News. I love this for a few reasons. First, it provides evidence that rappers are still talentless, because the Katie Couric portion of this is better than 95% of all rap (for further evidence of rappers being talentless, see pretty much all rap ever). Second, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything less funny than the angry gorilla. If those guys are trying to make decent comedy videos, they should know the first rule of animal suits and comedy: always go with the bear suit.

3. The Kenny Powers audio book tapes. HBO’s Eastbound & Down was somewhat of a pleasantly awesome surprise on TV this spring. It may not be a show for everyone (for example, men who wear women’s clothing and other assorted fags, or perhaps terrorists), but people seem to either hate it or love it. If you haven’t watched it yet, then this clip will most likely make it clear which of those 2 sides you’re on.

4. “How to Handle the IRS” by Daniel O’Brien. Dan O’Brien writes with cracked.com, and he might actually be one of the funniest writers around right now. He consistently writes columns that make me pee a little bit in my pants. Go through some of his older stuff, which for the most part is just as good.

5. Excerpts from reviews of bad movies. There is some pretty amazing stuff in there, probably peaking at the link to the article reviewing The Sphere a little way down the page. The only disappointment? No excerpts from negative reviews of Wanted, the worst movie ever made.

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