Sans Morality

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Archive for the ‘Music’ Category

Dr. Funke’s Songs of the Week

Posted by DrFunke on July 26, 2009

Game on assholes.

1. The Fratellis – Flathead – I would’ve looked a lot more indy-cool if I had posted this about 3 years ago.

2. The Old 97’s – Question – Simply a great song if you’re in a sappy mood and enjoy wearing scarves and being emo.

3. Drive By Truckers – Women Without Whiskey – This song’s about boning and drinking, so we’re for it. Also, Drive By Truckers are secretly an awesome Southern Rock band and I feel cool telling you about them.

4a. Bruce Springsteen – Incident on 57th Street – Bruce is a God among men. This is reason 1090978079080 why. There’s never enough Bruce.

4b. Bruce Springsteen – My City of Ruin – This uplifting ditty was a song Bruce wrote about September 11th. The moral of the story is that Bruce Springsteen is amazing. Thank you for your time.


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Dr. Funke’s Songs of the Week

Posted by DrFunke on July 16, 2009

What’s up, bitches? It’s time for me to confuse you with my musical choices. Let us begin.

1A. Pearl Jam – “Crazy Mary (Live)” – Pearl Jam is awesome. They have a lot of songs that have no shot of getting radio play but are still amazing, and this is one of them. It’s one of their concert showstoppers, mostly because the song builds itself up, and it finishes by rocking way harder than you could ever expect it to. The reason this is 1A is because:

1B. Pearl Jam – “Blood” – If you haven’t heard Eddie Vedder scream before, I recommend it. Also, this song proves my working theory that if it’s used right, the “wah-wah” guitar pedal makes every song sound about 10 times cooler.

2. Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band – “Backstreets” – I don’t know why I’m really into unexpected screaming from bad ass lead singers this week, but I am so deal with it. This was one of the better songs I’ve ever seen played live. The other best songs I’ve ever seen live were also all Bruce songs, because he’s Jesus you see.

3. 2Pac ft. Elton John (you’re reading that right) – “Ghetto Gospel” – 2Pac is my favorite rapper, ahead of like the only other 3 rappers I think are talented. Also, the comedy of imagining Pac and Elton John interacting is a plus. How is it that Elton has done famous duets with 2 of the most controversial rappers ever? First 2Pac, then his live appearance with Eminem. Elton, you are one of hip-hop’s finest. I think it’s time you bless us with a “Crocodile Rock” remix, featuring T.I. and Dirt Nasty.

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Dr. Funke’s Songs of the Week

Posted by DrFunke on July 7, 2009

This will be a weekly post from me, the good doctor. Maybe good isn’t the best word but you follow me. Anyway, I’m spending a lot of time in New York City this summer (*smells own farts*), which means I spend a lot of quality time on the Subway with people who look like circus freaks and smell like their own urine, or people who seem to be a walking anti-tattoo PSA, or, fittingly, some women who make me go from 6 to midnight in a heartbeat. There’s no way I’m going to talk to any of these assholes or lovely ladies, and that means I’m getting a lot of mileage out of my iPod. In these posts, I’ll put up a few songs that I’ve been listening to lately. This will be entertaining for a few reasons: my fellow bloggers will just berate the fuck out of me in the comments section. My music choices will confuse the hell out of you because I have music taste that’s oddly varied but simultaneously extremely specific and generally makes about as much sense as this sentence. If I can promise one thing, it’s that few of my choices will be current or relevant, but then again I think they’re awesome so blow me. Hopefully I’m better at this than I was with my “Links of the week” deal, because that one lasted about 2 weeks. Without further ado:

1. “Little Secrets” by Passion Pit: This song is really poppy and really electronic and hooky, and I always hate stuff like this. Then again, I loved those 3 MGMT songs, and this song is the same sort of style.

2. “Gold Lion” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Watch the video. Jesus it is weird. On the bright side: slow motion, fire, guitars getting smashed, and a solid rock song with nonsensical lyrics.

3. “Massive Nights” by The Hold Steady: I love this band. Their singer basically just talks and sounds a little drunk (which makes sense because they have a bunch of songs about getting wasted), and the band is heavier than you’d expect. *Note: the video isn’t great quality, presumably because it was filmed in Wisconsin and there were too many fat people. Doesn’t make sense? Ask me if I give a shit, fatty.

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The Lost Dave Matthews Band Song

Posted by DrFunke on July 3, 2009

Reader, it’s no secret that I am about as mature as your average 12 year old. The fact that I laughed as hard as I did at this video simply further affirms this. If you ever say the word “vagina” around me, odds are I’ll laugh regardless of context. For example:

Some other fag Doctor, to my future wife: “Mrs. Funke, I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have vagina cancer.”
Me: (giggles)

Also, this video does a great job of making fun of Dave Matthews, which is something I support strenuously. Enjoy.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about "The Lost Dave Matthews Band Song", posted with vodpod

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Top Ten 90s Songs, Part Deaux

Posted by Mac10 on July 1, 2009

If you missed yesterday’s post breaking down 5 of the top 10 songs of the 1990s, then scroll down and read it you lazy fucker. Here are the final 5 (remember these are in no particular order) as well as the 25 honorable mention songs.

6. Matchbox 20- 3 AM

JCVD: Hard to argue with Matchbox 20 in the top 10 as they recorded a number of fairly big hits through the late 90’s.  On a personal note, I thoroughly enjoyed their performance at KISS Concert 98, where they finished off the night with a great set that lasted until the wee hours of the night (about 1130, but that was way past my bedtime).  Any way you slice it, Matchbox 20 deserves to be here, for either “Real World” or a number of other tunes.  While I don’t really appreciate the fact that Rob Thomas is trying to reassert himself on the music scene, I will do what I can to remember him as he was earlier in his career, not as he has been recently (sort of like a lot of people are doing with Michael Jackson…).

Mac 10: Again, another band that needs to be on the list. I would argue that they are the 3rd most important band of the 90s (behind Hootie and TEB), but I would rather have “3 AM” (their first and best hit) than “Real World.” JCVD would also claim that “Push” came out before “3 AM.” Although wikipedia backs him up, I refuse to believe that.

7. Goo Goo Dolls- Iris

Mac 10: I really only look for two things from a band:

1) An incredibly stupid name. Check
2) They sing a theme song to a Sir Nicolas Cage movie. Check

JCVD: Love the addition and slightly embarassed that I left them off.  While I love them for slightly different reasons (obviously the silly name reason, certainly not Sir Nic), I completely agree that they deserve to make the list.

8. Barenaked Ladies- One Week\

Mac 10:

I understand there are thousands of bands and songs to choose from, but the fact that BnL did not even warrant a Honorable Mention is inexcusable. Not only is this song incredibly catchy and nonsensical (like a ll great 90s songs), but it also had the added bonus of a lead singer who sang much faster than you could possibly dream. Did that stop you from trying to sing along? Of course not.

JCVD: For some reason I thought some of their big stuff came early 2000’s, but I was compeltely wrong. While “One Week” is certainly not my favorite BNL song (see “If I Had a Million Dollars”, “It’s All Been Done”, etc.), it was pretty big culturally and received tons of airplay. They should be on the list.

9. Blues Travelers- Run Around

Mac 10: You have to have either Blues Travelers or Sister Hazel (since they sound exactly alike) on this list. Of their combined 3 hits, this one is my favorite.

JCVD: Definitely agree that either they or Sister Hazel should be on here, and since Sister Hazel had a bunch of their hits released in the 2000’s, that leaves one logical choice.  Good pick, should have had them on my original.

10. Wallflowers- One Headlight

Mac 10: I leave this final spot up to you.

JCVD: ForThe Walflowers, “One Headlight”, was obviouly a big hit for them, and they also had 3 other hit singles off of 1996’s “Bringing Down the Horse” (6th Avenue Heartache, The Difference, Three Marlenas”).  They also had the hit single “Heroes” only two years later.  I think this is a very solid repertoire as I enjoy all 5 of those songs. They seem to fit in mold of at least 1 huge song, but also a couple other really good, fairly well known singles

Honorable Mention

Alanis Morissette- You Oughta Know

Deep Blue Something- Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Del Amitri- Roll With Me

Duncan Sheik- Barely Breathing

Eagle Eye Cherry- Save Tonight

Edwin McCain- I’ll Be

Fastball- Out of My Head

Gin Blossoms- Hey Jealousy

Jewel- Foolish Games

Marcy Playground- Sex and Candy

Mighty Mighty Bosstones- The Impression That I Get

Natalie Imbruglia- Torn

New Radicals- You Get What You Give

Oasis- Champagne Supernova

Offspring- Pretty Fly for a White Guy

Paula Cole-I Don’t Want to Wait

Savage Garden- Truly, Madly, Deeply

Semisonic- Closing Time

Shawn Colvin- Sonny Came Home

Sister Hazel- It’s All for You

Smash Mouth- All Star

Sugar Ray- Every Morning

Tonic- If You Could Only See

The Verve- Bittersweet Symphony

Verve Pipe- The Freshman

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Top 10 Songs from the 90s

Posted by Mac10 on June 30, 2009

This post is co-written by Jean Claude Van Dangles (His comments in blue)

These songs are in no particular order

I know, I know another list. But my iPod was stolen recently* (most likely by BobbyGee), which deprived the world of the world’s greatest 90s collection. In tribute to my fallen iPod, I consulted with JCVD, a noted 90s music scholar, to compile the top 10 songs that defined the 90s music scene.

*Having been a victim of a theft, I have changed my stance on the death penalty. Before I thought the death penalty was cruel and unusual punishment for people who broke into cars. Now I would like to personally torture and kill the person who broke into my car and stole my iPod. So basically I’ve become Wudgles.

The more I thought about the top 10 songs of the 90’s, the more difficult I realized that this little endeavor of yours really is.  Think about how many different genres that are involved.  You have the Nirvana type stuff that was obviously really big and you can go from that to bands like TLC, Third Eye Blind, and then of course you have all the great rap.  The point is, this is incredibly difficult, but I will nonetheless give you a top 10, from a bunch of various artists.  Bear in mind that I am incredibly biased and that I am also leaving out all rap, since I just find that to be way easier.  Also I am not putting up a band more than once, even if they had more than one 90’s mega-hit.  Finally, I am trying to avoid putting up bands that, while they had big hits in the 90’s, continue to have big hits today.  For example, the Chili Peppers put out Californication in 99, which I thought was fantastic, but that’s to be expected from them though, which is why I tried to avoid artists that are still huge today.

1. Chumbawumba-Tubthumping

JCVD: I feel like this is pretty much a no brainer as it was a massive hit and the band itself, like many others with huge hits in the 90’s, was a one hit wonder that faded into obscurity after Tubthumping was finally deemed overplayed.  This is a song that everyone knows and associates with the 90′, and I would suspect that many people even bought this CD (or at least I would like to think they did because I still have my copy in my room…).  Easy pick.

Mac 10: Agreed that this is a no brainer. Although I was a little perturbed that you called them a one hit wonder when they had another hit “Amnesia.” Perhaps you forgot that song. God, I’m funny.

2. Third Eye Blind- Semi-Charmed Life

JCVD-Perhaps the quintessential 90’s band, they had multiple hits, but I decided to go with Semi-Charmed life out of personal preference.  Any way you look at it, just a great tune that includes lyrics about bumping crystal meth, which makes it oh so 90’s and oh so awesome.

Mac 10: Your assessment of the band and song was spot on. The moment I learned this song was about crystal meth was probably the official end of my childhood.

3. Eve 6- Inside Out

JCVD-This is a definitely not an easy pick, but its a song that I have always had a spot for and the band fits the criteria of not being very big or famous, besides their 2 hits.  The song itself includes such incredible lyrics such as “I think sick like ginger ale”, which is great because I used to drink Ginger Ale when I was sick, so I can relate to what they’re going through.  The lead singer also insults listeners at one point crooning, “I’m not as ugly, sad as you”, which hurts, but hey he’s the rockstar so he would know (as a side note, there is very little chance the lead singer is not working in the fast food industry).

Mac 10: While I personally prefer “Here’s to the Night,” that is more a song you play at high school graduation parties in an attempt to get laid. “Inside Out” is a much better example of what 90s music was.

4. Spin Doctors- Two Princes

JCVD-This one could be my favorite on the list and the Spin Doctors represent all that was great about the 90’s.  They only have one other particularly notable song, “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong”, and were essentially a two and done band.  Two Princes is a phenomenal song detailing the relationship between a poor man and a girl, who’s father clearly does not approve of his low social status.  I think this could be where Taylor Swift got the idea for “Love Story”, in which she seeks paternal approval to marry her Romeo.  In any event, just a classic tale of star crossed lovers set to vibrant, upbeat 90’s music? Yes please.

Mac 10: Simply put, a great choice.

5. Hootie & The Blowfish- Only Wanna Be With You

JCVD-Hootie and the Blowfish were huge in the 90’s and I bet Hootie pulled more tail than anyone else on this list except for Eagle-Eye Cherry, who probably pulled in a ton of chicks.  Hootie and the Blowfish had multiple huge hits, but this was my personal favorite and the fact that they faded out is really a shocker.  They released more albums after the 90’s, but did not find anywhere near the level of success of 1994’s  “Cracked Rear View”, which went platinum an astonishing 16 times and even picked up a Grammy.  Lead singer Darius Rucker has now moved into Country music, which I’m not too happy about.  Unfortunately for the Rucker and the rest of the Blowfish, the 90’s held some awesome mystique that they were unable to carry over into the 21st century.

Mac 10: Obviously, they need to be on the list. They are my favorite 90s band. For the record, I am very happy that Darius Rucker moved to country because it instantly made country music better and who doesn’t like hearing Hootie sing new songs?

6-10 coming tomorrow

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This Video is Really F’n Cool

Posted by DrFunke on June 27, 2009

Fleetwood Mac is one of those bands with a background story almost as famous as its music. They released the album “Rumours” in the 70’s, and for a while it was the highest selling album in music history. Part of what made the album so compelling was the intertwining relationships between band members, most notably singer Stevie Nicks and guitarist/vocalist Lindsey Buckingham. Confusingly enough, Stevie is a chick and Lindsey is a dude.

ANYWAY, Nicks and Buckingham were in the middle of a long-term relationship that was deteriorating, while other band members John and Christine McVie were on their way to getting a divorce, and drummer Mick Fleetwood was getting ready to nail whichever female got single first. While all of this was going on, the band wrote “Rumours” and basically all the songs were about breaking up. This gave the album an extra level of fame and, in my opinion, made all the songs about 10 times more interesting than they would’ve been normally. Take the song “Go Your Own Way” for example. It’s a great song, and people would’ve loved it regardless of context. But listen to the lyrics, and imagine singing it while the girl you’re breaking up with sings the harmony along with you. Heavy stuff.

One song that was written for “Rumours” but wasn’t included was “Silver Springs.” It’s another song about breaking up, and like many other Fleetwood Mac songs, it’s more effective when you know what was happening between Nicks and Buckingham. Knowing about them is what makes this live performance of “Silver Springs” so goddamn mesmerizing after the 4:00 mark. Take a look:

That stare down is absolutely incredible. In the words of Mac 10, “I couldn’t tell if they were more likely to fuck or fight each other right there on stage.” It’s an awesomely emotional performance of a great song, and the video is honestly an amazing thing to watch. Enjoy.

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Bands that Dismiss Everyone with Dismissive Wank Motions

Posted by DrFunke on May 15, 2009

Electric Six is everything that Sans Morality stands for. Normally my posts are lengthy and I try to do the talking by myself. This is not one of those times.

I cannot even begin to explain to you how amazing this band is. Seeing as I’m apparently writing a blog post about them, I guess I will start with this song. Correct me if I’m wrong, but no song has a better first line than this: “I rode a sex wave, and washed up on your shore.” Find a single song that starts off with a better line than that. I dare you. Oh wait you can’t, that’s science. If this song happens to be about girls with STDs being better in bed, then all the better.

Listen, I don’t make the rules. But when your lead singer is named Dick Valentine, your guitarist is named Na$hinal, your bassist is named Smorgasbord! and pretends to be Swedish, and your drummer is named Percussion World, you are doing it right.

If you have recorded an album titled, “I Shall Exterminate Everything Around Me That Restricts Me From Being the Master,” you may be the single greatest band of all time. If you have a song called “Slices of You,” and there’s a speaking interlude in the middle where your lead singer is required to say “Everywhere I go people ask me, ‘Valentine, what’s your recipe for love?’ And my answer’s always the same. Cook the hell out of it, and slice it,” odds are I’ll jizz in my pants upon hearing your songs.

Before you ever judge a band, check their library to see if they have a song called “Vibrator.” If yes, and they describe a vibrator as a “tuna investigator,” then maybe put them in the same league as Electric Six.

I wish I could find more of them on Youtube, but I encourage all of you soulless pricks to go to Pandora or Itunes to find more of this band. They are literally a disco/rock/punk/funk band that cares less about their image than The Darkness. For the love of god, please take a look at these beautiful, beautiful retards. Also, sorry I keep talking about music.

Fun fact: the title of their upcoming album is “The Sign of the Beefcarver.” God is good.

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People Who Must Be Stopped: Adam Lambert

Posted by DrFunke on May 7, 2009

Friends, brothers, fellow angry bored people. I come to you today the humblest of humble pissed off bloggers, seeking to recruit you for a cause. This cause? (Warning on the upcoming link, I searched for a picture of the dude and this was the first link that came up and it’s pretty gay. Clearly I was not pleased because queers are for fags and they can go fuck themselves somewhere on some secret island and stay there because this is America, but it did further prove my point. Sigh, the pressures of being a high-culture writer. Also, if you’re gay, maybe the link is your thing.*) (*It’s two dudes making out.) To stop the faggot of all faggots, American Idol contestant Adam Lambert, from ever achieving any form of success. Why you ask?

Any further questions?

Any further questions?

Let’s start here: he’s famous for being on American Idol. I can’t really begin to explain to you why I hate this show, because it’s hard to start an explanation of something by listing every detail about it. “BUT DR FUNKE THEY ARE BIG STARS AND THEY’RE SO TALENTED LISTEN TO THEM SING MELIKES DICKS LOL.” Well suck one of said dicks reader, and in the meanwhile let the good Doctor drop a little knowledge on you. If you memorize a piece of writing from another author then publish it in a public forum that doesn’t make you talented, it makes you a plagiarist. Even if you change a couple parts but keep all the same main ideas and plot points and themes and characters, you’re still a plagiarist even if you think you slightly improved it. The only way it becomes your own work is if you happen to borrow some themes or plot elements, but make drastic changes otherwise in order to make the work original enough to be considered your idea. That’s where most of our ideas come from anyway. (Think “Simpsons Did It” from South Park.)

That said, American Idol is a fucking karaoke contest. If you’re a fan, your natural reaction will be to protest that statement. But take a deep breath and think. That’s all American Idol is. People take songs written and performed by other people, then sing them on stage in front of other people, then other people come on stage after them to perform different songs written and performed by different people. A few people sit at a table in front of them and judge them. During the Spring, Wudgles and I were those judges. We went to many a karaoke bar, got inappropriately drunk, and judged people for being horrible at singing in a vein similar to that of Simon Cowell. Differences: the Idol judges make millions of fucking dollars giving opinions on said karaoke competition, and you’re out of your goddamn mind if you think Wudgles and I couldn’t get shitfaced and do that about twice a week. Also, even the best singers at a dive-ass karaoke bar don’t get any more recognition than some applause and a high-five or two. Ever wonder why? Because that’s the most they deserve. Then again, this is our ass-backwards society where Heidi and Spencer Pratt probably have just about as much name recognition as President Obama. Of course, this means the winner of America’s favorite unoriginality contest gets a multi-million dollar record deal and endless fame.

I knew how this was since the show started airing, and frankly I didn’t feel like bothering. But I reached the breaking point when people began saying that this performance was better than the original version:

Really? This emo-haired leather covered douche is more talented than arguably one of the 3 best rock bands ever? Zeppelin is one of the few bands or artists that managed to have a long successful career while still staying creative and relevant throughout the entirety of their existence (Only people who did it better were Miles Davis and Springsteen, unless I’m forgetting someone). Maybe the Beatles couple years together were the best all-around, and you can argue the Rolling Stones best stuff is better than Zeppelin’s best. I’d disagree, but I’d listen to the argument. Those bands came up with their own stuff, from sound to lyrics to image to mystique and legend. Those bands are the definition of talent. Talent’s importance can be studied pretty easily in country. Mac 10 and I disagree on country music. It’s Mac’s favorite, and I’m not a fan. I can see some of the appeal; the singers have good voices and everything, and lyrically it’s by far the best genre. But so few of them write their own songs that it’s not at all rewarding to hear. It’s like putting that book A Million Little Pieces into music form. If neither the book or the author was authentic, how come there isn’t the same outcry about musicians who don’t write their own stuff and therefore aren’t singing something truthful and personal? Anyone want to explain this to me?

This asshole put on some leather and got a shitty haircut, and for whatever reason he’s now more talented than the dudes from Zeppelin? Sorry, but screw that noise. Just because he can shriek and sing high enough to make me question whether or not he possesses testicles doesn’t make him a good singer, in rock or any genre. If a guitarist were to just shred ridiculously all the time then, okay, we get it, you can shred, but it doesn’t mean it sounds good. It might resemble the above video, where Lambert’s voice is annoying as shit and he sounds like that noise Dane Cook makes when he talks about braking in a parking garage. (Am I making Dane Cook and American Idol references in one post? I just died on the inside.) What makes bands great is how they learn how to play with each other and eventually within each other to create a signature sound where the sum is greater than the parts. Pete Townshend would’ve smashed this Twilight-reading tool over the head with a guitar. The fact that the Zep comparison was ever even thought of, much less mentioned, is completely absurd.

Why is it that people in our society refuse to think for themselves? These ball-gargling retards from American Idol are going to be famous millionaires for singing karaoke? Really? Next thing you know, people are going to find a way to make ridiculous amounts of money for reading words off paper. Oh, too late, we have actors make $20 million dollars for putting on costumes, pretending they’re someone else, and saying what a script tells them to say. Am I crazy for thinking that the screenwriter, who creates all the characters and dialogue and plot and themes deserves the most credit? Followed by the director for maybe creating something extra with certain shots and contributing to the world the characters live in? Then the actors, for reading and being told what costumes to wear? Maybe I am, and maybe that’s why I’ll never like American Idol or buy into an Idol winner as a legitimate artist. In retrospect, my favorite part about this whole post is that when you think about it, blatant plagiarism really only matters in books. It never does in movies, and creativity doesn’t matter for shit in movies as anyone whose ever seen an action movie can attest to. Does anyone else get as much enjoyment as me out of the fact that the only people who care about plagiarism are people who we know for sure can read? Sorry, this post was an actual semi-logical and angry rant. Also far too long. But sometimes people just confuse me. For the love of God, I hope Adam Lambert doesn’t get famous for performing a shitty version of one of the best rock songs ever.

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Miley Cyrus Soft-Core Prostitution Will End Well

Posted by Voltairrible on July 22, 2008



Well, Miley Cyrus (demented offspring of Billy Ray’s loins) has now one-upped herself on the pictures that were leaked from her hacked iPhone last week.

She has turned to soft-core prostitution.  But, don’t worry, faithful reader and “Hannah Montana Media Bukkake” aficionado; it’s for the children, via some charity that the Cyrus family just started.

Powered by Auction Cause, Miley’s first-ever personal eBay auction will kick off at 7 p.m. PT on Tuesday night (and conclude on July 29), and 100 percent of the proceeds will go to her foundation, which supports numerous charities that assist needy children across the country.

We’re told the winners of the bidding war will get their hands on the several items from her personal wardrobe, such as the (autographed) clothes she wore to the “High School Musical 2” movie premiere and last year’s Teen Vogue Young Hollywood party, plus the chance to be her red-carpet date at her upcoming “Bolt” movie premiere — complete with Disneyland passes, accommodations and car service, of course.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that this is going to get fucked somewhere along the line.  She’s 15 years old, not attractive in the least, a talentless hack with a cult-like following, and is now selling herself to aforementioned cult-like fanbase.  What executive thought this one through, exactly?

My guess is that one of two things is going to happen

  1. Some super weirdo pedophile bids more than what Microsoft is worth so that he can have his way with her, the merch she’s giving him, and then eat her for supper while wearing her skin as a dress.
  2. Ummmm… some little trust-fund brat has her dad buy this for her, and then auctions off the merchandise to be abused in unspeakable ways by some guy who wanted to carry out prediction #1.

Either way, something Miley owns is going to get some protein sprayed on it.  But, then again, she’s just being Miley…

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