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Archive for the ‘TV’ Category

I’m Sorry I’m Not Sorry

Posted by DrFunke on August 17, 2009

I’d like to talk to you guys about the HBO show “True Blood.” You know, the one with the vampires and Anna Paquin ballin’ out in a small Louisiana town. Let me get this out of the way: the show is complete trash. Every episode ends with a cheap cliffhanger that rarely ends up amounting to anything. (Remember the episode of “South Park” where everyone’s waiting for this one show to use the word “shit” on air for the first time? Then when it finally happens, it’s just one guy talking to another saying, “Hey, you got some shit on the side of your mouth.” That’s the best way to describe the pay-off you get from most TB cliffhangers.) All of the characters are pretty much exaggerated stereotypes. The show’s idea of giving a character depth is to make them 2 different stereotypes at once, like being a gay black dude. Pretty much every character is a sex addict, and none of their interactions even moderately resemble something that would happen in real life. The only consistent occurrences on the show are sex and violence. This is the show your parents watch, then follow up with the comment “This show is the end of Western Civilization.”

And I absolutely fucking love it.

“BUT DR FUNKE YOU LIKE SHOWS ABOUT VAMPIRES YOU ARE SUCH A FAGET YOU LIKE TWILIGHT WHERE’S MY HELMET ROFL” you say to me. It’s a show essentially about vampires, but it is not like that pussy “Twilight” stuff. The vampires on this show are badasses who like to bone stuff and then eat it and do other generally awesome things. The show explores vampire culture and society in really, really interesting and unique ways that will definitely pique your interest. On TB they burn into dust when exposed to sunlight, take in willing humans to feed on them and subsequently bang them, reveal that they created many rumors about their weaknesses to protect themselves over the centuries, and generally just kick ass. These are the vampires that terrified you as a kid, not the ones who bone whiny fat chicks and sparkle in sunlight. Also, a few drops of their blood sends humans into a euphoric state, or can heal severe injuries almost instantly.

Really, the show only appeals to my most base instincts, especially enjoyment from excessive sexual and violent content. And who am I to deny my instincts? God/Allah/Billy Zane made me this way for a reason. Besides, there are orgies in season 2. Orgies. Where else can you find that on TV?

Oh yeah, the show is also pretty clearly supposed to be a metaphor for civil rights (gay rights, race relations, etc.), but no one gives a shit about that because it’s boring and no one can bone civil rights. Here’s my synopsis of season 1: a Japanese company starts manufacturing synthetic blood, vampires start to try to integrate to normal society. Some people don’t like this, so there’s opposition. People have sex a lot, some people get murdered, there’s a mystery, and I have a fucking great time. The show is also unique because I basically couldn’t care less about the main 2 characters and the main story arc. I love the show for the supporting characters. Let’s get into that.

Sookie Stackhouse – played by Anna Paquin. She can read people’s minds, and has had the ability her whole life. Her telepathy makes her valuable to vampires as you eventually learn. She falls in love with Bill, a vampire, and is then subject to much scrutiny (all of which she hears via telepathy) by pretty much her entire town. She is annoying as shit, but pretty hot and gets naked a bunch of times. Weigh the pros and cons.

Bill Compton – main guy vampire played by some guy. Bill is occasionally pretty compelling, like when you learn about his past (he was a Confederate soldier and was turned into a vamp during the Civil War). But his love story with Sookie pretty much blows. Again, the 2 main characters are probably my 2 least favorite.

Jason Stackhouse – Jason Stackhouse is Sookie’s much more awesomely named brother. As far as I can gather, he stopped attending school after the third grade, worked out constantly for about 9 straight years, then started banging everything ever and has yet to stop. He is absolutely fantastic, providing plenty of comedy and most of the sex scenes in the first season.

Tara something – Sookie’s best friend, a black girl with a fresh new character type: sassy from a broken home. Oh wait, that’s every black character in movie/TV history? Alright, I’ll talk to you guys later.

Lafayette – Tara’s gay black drug-dealing cousin, who works as a cook at a bar called Merlotte’s with basically all the other main characters. Lafayette is 1 of my 2 favorite characters, and is making me wonder why I always find the badass gay black dudes on HBO shows to be so awesome (See: Little, Omar). He is always hilarious, occasionally beats the crap out of a redneck. (Sample: some hick finds out Lafayette is cooking his burger, and jokes he doesn’t want AIDS from his food. Lafayette comes out, silences the entire place, and announces that from now on all Merlotte’s burgers would be prepared with AIDS. He then beats the piss out of the redneck, and throws him out of the bar. A day in the life of a short-order cook.) Finally, he calls people “hooker” affectionately, and that is awesome.

Sam Merlotte – owner of Merlotte’s, has an uncomfortable crush on Sookie. That aside, he’s generally a likable character with kind of a cool shady past. He has very solid fashionable stubble, and provides most of the only interesting moments in the Bill and Sookie relationship.

Eric – The vampire “sheriff” of that specific part of Louisiana. He is huge and Nordic looking. Eventually, it gets revealed that he was turned into a vampire when he was a Viking warrior and HOLY SHIT THAT IS SO FUCKING AWESOME. Eric is a total bad ass, and he needs his own TV show. Also, he maybe wants to bang Sookie but whatever. He needs to focus on more being sweet and killing things and generally dismissing everyone with wank motions.

There are plenty more minor characters of note, but those are the ones worth focusing on to start. Anyway, watch this show. It’ll be worth your time, because this is America and who doesn’t love sex and violence and a relatively solidly written show with a cool and original concept? Everyone? People are just watching “Jon and Kate Plus 8”? I quit.

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I Want This Show Inside of Me

Posted by DrFunke on June 6, 2009

Before I actually start this post, I’d like to thank Mac 10 for sharing with the entire world what he’s been jerking off to this summer. I think we’d all been wondering about that for a long time, and we can all happily move forward now that we have that vital piece of information. Additionally, I’m happy that he finally managed to do 2 posts in a row without using a list. Things were getting so list-oriented I just assumed he started talking that way. For example: “1, Why hello miss, I’m Mac 10. 2, Haha well yes, I do have an erection right now. 3, I don’t know why it’s so small, it’s cold in here. 4, You’re calling the cops already? 5, God this is the third time tonight. 6, Time to drive drunk to Taco Bell.” But apparently my theory was mere inaccurate speculation.

Now that the important business is out of the way, I’d like to introduce to you one of the best shows on TV right now. It’s called “Party Down,” and it airs on Starz. Basically, it’s about a bunch of struggling/failed actors and writers in LA who work together in a catering business, and it is absolutely hilarious. To give you some basis of comparison, it’s kind of like a cross between “Arrested Development” and “The Office.” (And I think it might be a little funnier than “The Office,” because I laugh like a 4 year old whenever I get to hear the word “fuck”.) Most of the comedy comes from witty dialogue, but there’s also a lot that comes from the sheer absurdity of the characters involved. Another awesome comedy aspect of the show is that a lot of the actors have slight “that guy” status, meaning you kind of recognize them from a minor part in a bunch of other shows or movies. Let me give you a little character run-down:

Henry Pollard – Henry (played by Adam Scott, who you’ll recognize as Derek from “Step Brothers.”) is the main character of the show. He’s a former actor who achieved his 15 minutes of fame for being in a few popular beer commercials and saying the catchphrase, “Are we having fun yet?” The commercials essentially were the end of his career, and he comes to Party Down catering to make a little cash to stay on his feet via bartending. Henry is basically the Jim Halpert of the show. He hates the situation he’s in, but he ends up getting fun out of it because he doesn’t give a shit about the job and just drinks and abuses painkillers. Comedy ensues.

Casey Klein – Played by Lizzy Caplan, Casey is a struggling comedian. She’s struggling because she sucks, which oddly enough makes her character funnier. She’s basically the Pam Beesly of the show: she isn’t the funniest, but having her there makes for some of the funnier situations.

Ron Donald – Ron is fucking awesome, I’ll say it right now. He’s the head of the catering team, and takes the job and himself far too seriously. The problem for Ron is that no one else on the team respects him at all, and no one on the team gives a fuck about the job. This leads to awesome situations like this one, where people just give him as much shit as is humanly possible. Also, Ron’s dream is to open a “Soup-or-Crackers,” the fastest growing non-coffee non-poultry franchise in Southern California. He tends to ask the hypothetical “What will you think when you come into my Soup-or-Crackers…” type questions, which leads to responses like, “What the fuck am I doing in a Soup-or-Crackers?” Ron is like the Michael Scott of the show.

Roman – You probably recognize Roman from his role as beard guy in Knocked Up. (He was also awesome in the movie Adventureland, but apparently no people saw that.) Roman is a sci-fi writer. He basically has no people skills, hates everyone except Henry, and is absolutely hilarious. A majority of his scenes involve him being socially inept, or having interactions like this one with the mildly retarded other members of the team, like:

Kyle – Kyle basically plays the talentless handsome guy who is a complete idiot. To get a good idea of his character, look back at that video in Roman’s description.

Constance – After Role Models (she runs the big brother business) and 40 Year Old Virgin (Steve Carrell’s boss), everyone will recognize Constance. She’s an aging actress who has never been successful, but refuses to give up the dream. She has ridiculous stories from back in the day, and she’s consistently hilarious.

I can’t really say much more than this show is absolutely amazing, and unless you’re a sick freak who hates comedy, then check out the first episode and you’ll be hooked. The other good quality of this show is that you eventually really start to care about the main characters, and by the end of the season, it becomes an all around great show rather than just a funny comedy. Enjoy.

Also, as an aside, this is absolutely mesmerizing. I wish I could find the full video, learn all the songs from this sketch, and become a street musician. I’m very career-oriented.

How awesome am I? I can pour 2 bottles at once. Don't act like you're not impressed.

How awesome am I? I can pour 2 bottles at once. Don't act like you're not impressed.

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Timely TV Recaps: The Wire (Spoilers)

Posted by Mac10 on May 31, 2009

For the loyal reader out there, you will remember that I posted a recap of The Sopranos last summer. Well, it’s a new year, and I spent all of my free time this summer watching a different HBO show, The Wire. I will be adding more substance to this throughout the week because I hate my job and I need something to do to occupy my time. Here is a brief summary of the show (with Dr. Funke’s opinion where we disagree):

Ranking the Seasons: 4, 2, 1, 5, 3

Best character: Omar (Dr Funke: Stringer Bell)

Worst Character: Omar when he is kissing dudes

Real Worst Character (Male): Ziggy Sobotka

Worst Character (Female): Namond’s mother

Smartest Gangster: Proposition Joe

Smartest Cop: Lester Freamon

Most Disappointing Character: Avon Barksdale

Best Duo: Bunk and Jimmy out drinking

Saddest Death: Wallace

Best Transformation: Carver

Funniest Murderer: Snoop

Best Haircut: Angry white cop

Best Dresser: Brother Muzzone

Best Catchphrase: “Sheeet”  – Clay Davis

Best Repeated Line: “There you go. Giving a fuck when it ain’t your turn to give a fuck.” -Bunk

Best Moment: Omar’s testimony at Bird’s trial

Worst Moment: Bubbles’ confession and suicide attempt

Posted in TV | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Weekend Box-Office Recap

Posted by Mac10 on May 11, 2009

Since I am jobless and penniless, I am currently too poor to go see any movies. Luckily, that won’t stop me from commenting on the top 5 grossing movies of the weekend.

1. Star Trek – Not gonna lie, this looked pretty awesome. I have never seen any Star Trek movie/episode, but I do get a half-chubby from JJ Abrams so I might have to check this out. Plus, according to IMDB, it is the 62nd best movie of all time, so its got that going for it.

2.  X-Men Origins: Wolverine – I know that this got leaked and I could conceivably watch it online, but who wants to watch an action movie on their computer? I watch movies all the time for free on the computer, but only dramas and comedies. If you’re going to see a mindless action flick, do it in a theater where at least the graphics look cool. Unless it’s the new Transformers movie. Please do not see that and encourage studios to continue financing Michael Bay movies.

3. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past – I was really hoping this fell out of the top 5. I already used my good McConaughey joke last week. Anyway, if your girlfriend/gay lover is trying to force you to see this, try renting a different chick flick to assuage them. My recommendations: Definitely, Maybe (pretty standard chick flick but it has Ryan Reynolds so it can’t be bad) or Before Sunrise/Before Sunset.

4. Obsessed – Apparently, the main guy from this movie is from The Wire. I just rented Season 1 of The Wire so I expect my life to be soon taken over completely with watching it. Loyal readers can look forward to another timely TV show recap like my Sopranos post last summer.

5. 17 Again – I really have nothing to say about this movie. Instead, I will link you to a pretty great sketch from SNL two nights ago. After watching this, you should also check out the new digital short Timberlake and Samburg did as well. http://www.hulu.com/watch/72446/saturday-night-live-immigrant-tale

Posted in Movies, TV | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Top 10 TV Comedies

Posted by Mac10 on May 7, 2009

This list is only comprised of TV shows from my lifetime so anything pre-90s was not considered.

Just Missing the Cut

How I Met Your Mother – I just started watching this show recently and it’s pretty hilarious. You always hear about how great Neil Patrick Harris is in this show, and he lives up to the hype. It also features Jason Segel and Alyson Hannigan, two of the most likeable people in Hollywood. Too much of a generic sitcom to make the top 10, but it definitely stands out from most of the crap on CBS.

Flight of the Conchords – You have to be in the right frame of mind to watch this show because it is incredibly quirky. It can be pretty slow, but anytime the band manager Murray is on screen, you have to watch. He is one of the all time great characters. It has very creative writing and subtle humor that keep you coming back even when you start to drift off during the songs.

Family Guy – When you understand the pop culture references, it is hilarious. When you don’t, it’s just confusing noise.

Top Ten

10. 30 Rock – Before the writers’ strike, I would have had this in the top 5. I have been very disappointed with the show’s progression this season. That said, when they focus on Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan, the show is unbelievably smart and funny.

9.The Office – I have to turn away sometimes because of all the uncomfortable moments (Michael’s toast at Phyllis’ wedding comes to mind), but the show usually strikes the right balance between awkward and humorous. The minor characters are what really stand out in this show. Michael, Jim and Dwight are great, but the great use of Oscar, Creed, and Kevin makes this show great.

8. Curb Your Enthusiasm – This show is pret-ty, pret-ty good.

7.The Simpsons – I haven’t watched this in several years, but no has done it for longer (or, for a few seasons, better) than The Simpsons.

6. Scrubs – Even though Scrubs had dropped in quality in the last season, it was still very sad to see it end last night. No show better combined comedy and emotional drama. The bromance between JD and Turk, the sheer insanity of the Janitor (Tony?), and everything Dr. Cox related will be greatly missed on television. Or maybe not since Scrubs reruns are on 24/7.

5. Chappelle’s Show – The highest comedy peak of any show. “Black White Supremacist”, “Mad Real World”, and “The N-gger Family” are three of the greatest sketches in comedy history. The show is only #5 because it was only on for 2 years (I don’t count the Lost Episodes) and everyone started over-using “I’m Rick James, bitch!”

4. South Park – Although I’ve been moderately disappointed by this season (even with the legendary Economy episode), the show remains required viewing every Wednesday for the 13th straight season. Family Guy could learn how to properly integrate comedic music into their show from South Park.

3. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – The best show on TV right now. If you are not watching this yet, I strongly recommend you get off your ass and watch the first season online. For those who do watch it, the who is funnier Dennis vs. Charlie debate is one that will rage for centuries, but I will boldly make a stand and proclaim Charlie slightly funnier. (Charlie’s best episode is probably “The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis” and Dennis’s best is “The Gang Finds a Dead Guy”)

2. Arrested Development – The smartest show, comedy or otherwise, in television history. There are jokes that are slyly placed into episodes that reference events in future episodes. The show was brilliantly planned out and gets better with every viewing. Continuing on my bold statements, GOB is better than Dr. Tobias Funke.

1. Seinfeld – I struggled with this decision for several years. I know Dr. Funke will strongly disagree with AD not being #1, but Seinfeld is the greatest of all comedies. It has provided us with so many phrases that we all use in everyday conversations that it’s only comparison is Shakespeare. And this isn’t really a bold statement, but if you don’t think George is the best character, then you don’t deserve to watch the show.

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Relevant Post: Sopranos Recap (Spoilers)

Posted by Mac10 on August 11, 2008

I finally finished my summer goal of watching all of the Sopranos. It was by far the best show I have ever seen. It had it all: strippers, mobsters, psychiatrists, and strippers.

Best Episode: Pine Barrens (S3-E11)

This is the episode where Paulie and Chris get lost in the woods. The Sopranos was at its best when its characters were out of their usual environment. Other examples include the episode where Tony takes Meadow on college visits, the weekend with Bobby and Janice at the lakehouse, and Tony’s solo visit to Vegas after Chris’s death.

Best Line: “We’re gonna win this thing!” by FBI Agent Harris

He said this in the final episode after he hears that Phil Leotardo had been killed due to his information. The almost friendly relationship between Harris and the Soprano crime family was one of the best subplots in the show.

Best Beating: Tony’s attack on Assemblyman Zellman with a belt for dating his former goomah.

Random Question: Why was the gay cook/fireman even attracted to Vito? I’m not gay, but Vito was not a good-looking dude. I understand there probably aren’t that many options for a gay guy in a small town, but wouldn’t you rather take care of yourself than sleep with Vito?

Best Character: Tony

Not much of a shocker, I know. Tony, though, was the greatest anti-hero in television history. I have been arguing with DrFunke over whether Tony is killed in the last episode. He linked me to this article , which is a pretty convincing argument.

Funniest Character: Uncle Junior

When Uncle Junior was being sarcastic or dismissive (note: all the time), nobody was funnier. Even when he started to lose his mind, he could still deliver classic lines. Example:

Nurse: Why don’t you make a hand turkey?

Uncle Jun: For Christmas? Fuckin’ idiot.

Most Annoying Character: Janice and AJ Soprano (tie)

Seriously, Tony was a saint for putting up with these two. There were times when I wanted to beat the shit out of AJ for being such a whiny little bitch. And Janice. Tony summed her up pretty well when he said, “We both know that no matter what I did, you would still be in here complaining.”

Most Frustrating Character: Chris Moltisanti

Why couldn’t he get over his addictions? Why couldn’t he just accept the responsibility that Tony gave him? We wanted you to succeed, Chris. Yet, you continued to let us down until we were finally glad you met your end.

Most Underrated Character: Little Carmine Lupertazzi

Come on, the guy was a porn producer. Plus, he had Tony’s back when the problems with Phil arose. He also gave a great speech about why he didn’t want the crown. He should have been used more.

Nicest Character: Bobby Baccalieri

Seriously, he was just a nice guy who happened to be in the mob because it was the family business. He didn’t cheat on his wife, he wasn’t a murderer (until Tony forced him to), and he played with toy trains. His death was one of the most tragic in the show.

Steadiest Character: Silvio Dante

The ultimate cool mob guy. Never got too high or low. He could bang one of his strippers and then kill a guy and not change expressions. The perfect consigliere for Tony.

Character Most Deserving of Their Death: Richie Aprile

As soon as this guy got out of prison, he was causing problems for Tony. I was practically yelling at Tony to kill him already. Plus, this guy was attracted to Janice. As Tony said, “There are guys in the can better looking than my sister.”

Love of my Life: Meadow Soprano

I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.

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Shows I Don’t Watch Nominated for Emmys

Posted by Mac10 on July 17, 2008

All white people look the same

All white people look the same

The nominations for the Emmys were released today:

The nominees for best drama are “Boston Legal,” “Damages,” “Dexter,” “House,” “Lost” and “Mad Men.”

LOST should win this one in a landslide. It was fucking amazing this year. Of course, Mad Men will probably win even though everybody in the show looks exactly the same and you can never tell who is doing what.

The nominees for best comedy are “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “Entourage,” “The Office,” “30 Rock” and “Two and a Half Men.”

I am torn between Curb and 30 Rock. Both had incredible seasons this year. As long as Entourage (which has gone off the deep end) or Two and a Half Men (it’s on CBS, need I say more) don’t win, I’ll be happy.

Making meth is occassionally dangerous, but always worth it

Making meth is occassionally dangerous, but always worth it

The nominees for best actor in a drama are Gabriel Byrne (“In Treatment”), Bryan Cranston (“Breaking Bad”), Michael C. Hall (“Dexter”), Jon Hamm (“Mad Men”), Hugh Laurie (“House”) and James Spader (“Boston Legal”).

I love Michael C. Hall in Dexter, but I hear the dad from Malcolm in the Middle makes meth in Breaking Bad. Meth always gets my vote, Bryan Cranston.

The nominees for best actress in a drama are Glenn Close (“Damages”), Sally Field (“Brothers and Sisters”), Mariska Hargitay (“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”), Holly Hunter (“Saving Grace”) and Kyra Sedgwick (“The Closer”).

I don’t watch any of these shows, but I saw Holly Hunter’s ass while flipping by Saving Grace. So she wins.

It takes brass balls to win an Emmy

It takes brass balls to win an Emmy

The nominees for best actor in a comedy are Alec Baldwin (“30 Rock”), Steve Carell (“TheOffice”), Lee Pace (“Pushing Daisies”), Tony Shalhoub (“Monk”) and Charlie Sheen (“Two and a Half Men”).

Alec Baldwin. If you say anyone else should win, then I will come over to your house and take away your television because you do not deserve it. Also, just for the hell of it, the greatest scene of all time.

The nominees for best actress in a comedy are Christina Applegate (“Samantha Who?”), America Ferrera (“Ugly Betty”), Tina Fey (“30 Rock”), Julia Louis-Dreyfus (“The New Adventures of Old Christine”) and Mary-Louise Parker (“Weeds”).

The only show I watch here is 30 Rock so Tina Fey gets the nod. If it’s any consolation for the rest of you ladies, I would still bang you all.

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