Timely TV Recaps: The Wire (Spoilers)

For the loyal reader out there, you will remember that I posted a recap of The Sopranos last summer. Well, it’s a new year, and I spent all of my free time this summer watching a different HBO show, The Wire. I will be adding more substance to this throughout the week because I hate my job and I need something to do to occupy my time. Here is a brief summary of the show (with Dr. Funke’s opinion where we disagree):

Ranking the Seasons: 4, 2, 1, 5, 3

Best character: Omar (Dr Funke: Stringer Bell)

Worst Character: Omar when he is kissing dudes

Real Worst Character (Male): Ziggy Sobotka

Worst Character (Female): Namond’s mother

Smartest Gangster: Proposition Joe

Smartest Cop: Lester Freamon

Most Disappointing Character: Avon Barksdale

Best Duo: Bunk and Jimmy out drinking

Saddest Death: Wallace

Best Transformation: Carver

Funniest Murderer: Snoop

Best Haircut: Angry white cop

Best Dresser: Brother Muzzone

Best Catchphrase: “Sheeet”  – Clay Davis

Best Repeated Line: “There you go. Giving a fuck when it ain’t your turn to give a fuck.” -Bunk

Best Moment: Omar’s testimony at Bird’s trial

Worst Moment: Bubbles’ confession and suicide attempt

Weekend Box Office Recap

Sorry to those loyal readers out there who tune in every Monday expecting a Weekend Box Office Recap and were devastated to be denied one yesterday. In fact, I haven’t posted anything since last Monday’s Recap. Don’t worry, readers, this delay was not caused by any productive reason such as a job or having friends, but rather from watching The Wire 24/7. Seriously, I’m on Season 4 and I’ve been watching it for a week. Anyways, on to the recap.

1. Angels and Demons – I’m actually going to see this tonight. I always thought this book was much better than The Da Vinci Code, and its plot translates much better for a movie. My only complaint is that they kept Tom Hanks instead of replacing him with Sir Nicolas Cage, Esquire. Any time you combine Sir Cage and secret cults (aka The Wicker Man), gloriousness ensues: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOpsbAUEe90

2. Star Trek – I really should start seeing these movies before I do the recaps. It would probably help. Anyway, I’ve heard mostly positive things about this movie from people whose movie opinions I respect. But I don’t know if I can see a movie starring Chris Pine without thinking he should be starring in a Brazzers video.

3. X-Men Origins: Wolverine – This movie actually has some good talent in terms of writing and directing. One wrote Swordfish (I especially liked the eloquent writing involved when Halle Berry was topless) and the other wrote 25th Hour and adapted The Kite Runner. The director wrote and directed Tsotsi, which is a badass foreign film that everyone should see. Even with these credentials plus my love for all things Australia plus my man crush on Taylor Kitsch, I still haven’t seen this movie. Once again, being poor trumps being interested.

4. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past – How is this still in the top 5? Didn’t all the whipped guys who have been forced to see this already see this opening weekend? There can’t be that many people who need to see Matthew Mc (I’m tired of looking up how to spell his last name) without his shirt on. Look it up online, you lonely whores.

5. Obsessed – Now that I’ve been watching The Wire, I feel like I can say WHAT THE FUCK IS STRINGER BELL DOING IN THIS PIECE OF SHIT? The man is Stringer Bell for fuck’s sake. He should only be offered roles in movies that are as badass as him. Whether a movie can be as badass as Stringer, I’ll leave that question to the philosophers.

Weekend Box-Office Recap

Since I am jobless and penniless, I am currently too poor to go see any movies. Luckily, that won’t stop me from commenting on the top 5 grossing movies of the weekend.

1. Star Trek – Not gonna lie, this looked pretty awesome. I have never seen any Star Trek movie/episode, but I do get a half-chubby from JJ Abrams so I might have to check this out. Plus, according to IMDB, it is the 62nd best movie of all time, so its got that going for it.

2.  X-Men Origins: Wolverine – I know that this got leaked and I could conceivably watch it online, but who wants to watch an action movie on their computer? I watch movies all the time for free on the computer, but only dramas and comedies. If you’re going to see a mindless action flick, do it in a theater where at least the graphics look cool. Unless it’s the new Transformers movie. Please do not see that and encourage studios to continue financing Michael Bay movies.

3. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past – I was really hoping this fell out of the top 5. I already used my good McConaughey joke last week. Anyway, if your girlfriend/gay lover is trying to force you to see this, try renting a different chick flick to assuage them. My recommendations: Definitely, Maybe (pretty standard chick flick but it has Ryan Reynolds so it can’t be bad) or Before Sunrise/Before Sunset.

4. Obsessed – Apparently, the main guy from this movie is from The Wire. I just rented Season 1 of The Wire so I expect my life to be soon taken over completely with watching it. Loyal readers can look forward to another timely TV show recap like my Sopranos post last summer.

5. 17 Again – I really have nothing to say about this movie. Instead, I will link you to a pretty great sketch from SNL two nights ago. After watching this, you should also check out the new digital short Timberlake and Samburg did as well. http://www.hulu.com/watch/72446/saturday-night-live-immigrant-tale